Seriously?!?

Have you ever grown zucchini? 

Have you ever gone away for a week during zucchini season? 

If so, you might have returned to something like this:

Zucchini, tea towel and utensils for scale

Seriously?!?

These zucchini are complete and utter monsters, weighing in at a whopping 2.2, 3.1, and 5.9 lbs! 

Zucchini, human for scale

Look- this one is even bigger than my torso!  And I'm 5'7".  Honestly, these things are ridiculous.

So what on earth is a gardener to do with such things?  One easy answer is: compost!  Another is: feed 'em to the hogs!  It's still early in the season and I'm not sick of zukes yet so I won't compost them, and we don't have any hogs (unless you count Snoutface and the vaguely-domesticated-semi-feral-jungle-housecats, who could probably eat more than hogs).  I need to come up with some ideas on what to do with totally overgrown, probably not-so-sweet, and probably tough zucchini.

It is clear that these badboys would be no good for a zucchini carpaccio or other delicate preparation that calls for nice baby squash.  These seem to call for cooking in a (futile?) attempt to change their texture.  I am thinking a lifetime supply of zucchini bread (I could probably try ever recipe I've ever read) and a batch of zuke soup.  Worst-case scenario I can remove the seeds, grate them, and then freeze enough shredded zucchini to see me well into next summer.

Do you have any ideas what to do with these monsters?  If so, please help me out and leave a note in the comments!